


safe and sound

by endlessnighttimesky



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Disappearance, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Comfort, M/M, Missing Persons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 00:23:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1724321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessnighttimesky/pseuds/endlessnighttimesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard has always disappeared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	safe and sound

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by that audio clip in which Frank says Gerard has gone missing.
> 
> Trigger warning for puking.

Gerard has always disappeared. It’s been a thing, ever since he was little - he used to sneak out of the house when he was a kid and Donna would freak out every time, even though he only ever went to the park or around the neighborhood. Eventually they had to nail the basement door shut to keep him inside, but there was still the front door, and there was no way they could keep their eyes on him at all times.

It got easier when he got older - at least until he learned how to drive and started taking the car for impromptu drives to Newark or Hoboken, sometimes even New York. Donna still didn't like it, even if she knew Gerard could handle himself. She mostly freaked out when he came home late, or drunk, or late _and_  drunk. But he’d never actually _gone missing_ , or gotten hurt. But, like most things, it was just a matter of time.

§ § §

When Gerard stopped answering his phone on Thursday night, neither of them thought twice about it. If you've spent more than an hour with the guy, you'll know that he's forgetful at best, oblivious at worst, and that he loses his phone at least twice a day, and probably forgets to charge it almost as often. So Mikey just settled for calling their mom, who told him that Gerard had gone out a few hours ago, looking kind of sad but saying he'd be back in time for practice, which was the following morning. Kind of a long time to be out, one would think, but with Gerard, it was pretty normal. The guy disappeared sometimes - that was just the way things were. As long as he showed up for practice and didn't get killed, they'd let him wander off. After all, he was an adult, and even though it didn't seem like it sometimes, he could take care of himself.

They thought he could, anyway, but when Thursday turned into Friday and they still hadn't heard from him, they started to worry. 

§ § §

Gee’s been missing for nineteen hours when Frank runs off to the bathroom and starts puking. They’ve spent all day in Donna's living room, after leaving their practice space when it became evident that Gerard wouldn’t show up.

Gerard’s always been known to disappear for hours at a time, but he’s never been gone for this long without letting someone know where he is or what he’s doing. And despite how drunk or hungover he might be, he never misses practice.

Except he did today, and when Ray called him to ask where the fuck he was, he didn’t pick up. Nor did he answer Mikey’s texts, or Frank’s voice mails, and now it’s been nineteen hours and Frank is puking in the bathroom and while they have filed a report, they all know that Gee’s disappearance is not really top priority, even with the meds he needs to take and the fact that he’s most likely drunk off his face. At least he can’t have gone too far, since his car is still parked in Donna’s driveway.

”Frank?” Mikey’s voice comes from the doorway to the bathroom, and Frank would tell him that he’s fine, except he obviously isn’t. Also, he’s puking, and paired together, none of that makes this the optimal time for a conversation.

Groaning, Frank reaches for a towel to wipe his mouth with. At some point, Mikey’s gone and gotten and glass of water, and when he holds it out, Frank takes it gratefully, rinsing his mouth before spitting into the toilet.

Flushing, Mikey puts down the lid and sits down on it. ”You worried?”

Frank just snorts and rubs a hand over his face. As if he even has to answer that.

§ § §

Twenty-seven hours and Frank doesn’t want to fall asleep. He’s on the couch in the Ways’ living room, twisting and turning, trying his hardest to keep his eyes open. Last time they fell shut, he woke up with a pounding heart and the image of Gerard in a casket still lingering behind his eyelids.

Around 3 AM, Mikey wanders out of his room wearing sweatpants and one of Gerard's hoodies, arms wrapped around himself like that's the only thing that's keeping him together. Frank knows the feeling.

"Hey," he mumbles, sitting up straight to give Mikey space to sit.

"Can't sleep either?" Mikey asks.

Frank kind of wishes that was the case. "I guess you could say that."

"Nightmares?"

Frank just sighs at that and rubs at his eyes. They're dry and red-rimmed and even though it's dark, he's pretty sure Mikey's look the same way.

They sit in silence for a long time. There's not much to say, really - they've made all the calls, and now there's nothing left to do but wait and hope. Mikey rises from the couch at some point to get a pack of smokes - he lights one for himself and one for Frank, and they manage to make some time pass like that, chain-smoking quietly beside each other.

"You love him," Mikey says once he's stubbed out his fourth cigarette.

Frank is glad that he just exhaled, or he's be choking pretty badly right now. He still kind of is, but it's would've been harder to hide if his lungs had been full of smoke. Now they just _feel_  like they are - his throat is clogged and he can't breathe properly, and the only thought in his head is _yes. Yes, I love him._

But Mikey's not supposed to know that. _No one_  is supposed to know that - it's not something he's ever told anyone, not something he ever _would_  tell anyone. Not even Mikey, even though the guy knows basically everything there is to know about Frank. But - this. This was supposed to be a secret. Was supposed to _stay_ a secret. And now Mikey knows and Frank has been quiet for far too long to get away with a lie. Not that he would ever make Mikey believe it - he can't even make himself believe it. Has tried, for sure, has tried a thousand times and a thousand more. Has always failed.

He scrubs a hand over his face again, trying and failing to rub the exhaustion from his eyes. "Yeah," he says, voice small, quiet.

Mikey is silent for a moment. Then he asks, "How long?"

Frank laughs. It's the saddest sound Mikey has ever heard.

"Too long," Frank says, still not speaking in much more than a whisper. "Since - I don't even know. The start, I guess."

"Doesn't take long, does it?" Mikey asks, thinking back to Warped, the heat and that smile, wide and happy and the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. It still hurts, sometimes.

"No," Frank answers, because it really doesn't. "I thought I could - "

"You did."

Another laugh, harder this time. Mikey hates it. "Not good enough, obviously."

"Gee could never hide things from me when we were kids, either."

"Gee is the worst liar on the _planet_ , of course he couldn't."

"Then why haven't you _told_  him?"

"I can't - " _Do that_ , he wants to say. Can _never_  do that. Because - "He doesn't - " Except, if Mikey... " _Oh_. You think - "

"I _know_."

Frank tries to take a deep breath. Fails. "Has he - "

"No," Mikey says. "But I know these things. I know _him_."

Frank isn't sure this is something you just _know_ , but it's true - Mikey knows Gerard better than anyone else. And he's not the kind of guy who accidentally gets your hopes up and apologizes with an easy smile once you're sitting there with your broken heart and a spoonful of expensive ice cream. He wouldn't be saying this if he wasn't sure, if he didn't _know_.

Still. Frank can't help but doubt him, can't help but think that if Mikey knows, shouldn't he know, too? Somehow. Except - maybe he already does. Maybe he always has. Maybe he just hasn't dared to believe it.

But - 

"That doesn't change anything," Frank says, and he can feel it coming back, that - that _thing_  in his chest, the thing that's isn't really anything, just a void, like a hole has been punched right through where his heart should be. He can’t breathe and Gerard - Gerard is - ”He’s gone."

"He'll come back," Mikey says, and he sounds so _sure_ , as if he never really doubted it at all.

For as long as he's been alive, Frank has never wanted to believe anything as much as he wants to believe that.

§ § §

Not long after their conversation ends, Mikey goes back to his room, and Frank - against his will - falls into a fitful sleep. The nightmares don't come back, thank God, but he keeps waking up at even the smallest of noises, heart in his throat and disappointment washing over him in the heaviest of waves as soon as he realizes that Gerard still hasn't come back.

He doesn't fall asleep again until the sun has already risen.

§ § § 

When there's a knock on the door at five past nine the next night, Frank expects it to be the police or his mom or one of Toro's brothers or something, coming over just to check in and make them eat something. Frank’s the only one home, though - Ray and Mikey went out hours ago, either to keep looking or to distract themselves from the glaringly obvious fact that Gerard still hasn’t showed up - and he hasn't been able to keep anything down since Saturday morning.

Which is why he almost falls over when he opens the door and Gerard is standing there, looking like death warmed over in his filthy clothes and messy hair. He manages to catch Frank, though, and Frank collapses in his arms, clinging to Gerard's leather jacket as hard as he can.

"Oh my God," he mumbles into Gerard's neck. " _Gee_."

"I'm so sorry," is the first thing Gerard says, breath hitching. Frank thinks he's crying a little, but it doesn't really matter. It just makes two of them. "So, so sorry."

”It’s okay," Frank says, even though it kind of isn't. He just can't bring himself to care, because Gerard is _home_ , dirty and probably hungry as fuck, but still. Safe and sound and all of that. "C'mon, you must be starving."

Finally releasing his chokingly tight grip on Gerard, Frank pulls back. Gerard is looking down at him, all tired eyes and greasy hair, but Frank couldn't care less about the dirt and filth when Gerard kisses him, soft and chaste with chapped lips and a calloused hand resting lightly on his jaw.

He's not sure how long they stand there, kissing and grasping at each other as if to make sure that the other is real, but eventually Frank starts to shiver in the October air and Gerard pulls back, rubbing his hands over Frank's bare arms.

"Let's go inside, c'mon," he says, guiding Frank into the house with a hand at the small of his back. "I have a lot of calls to make."

"Your mom's gonna be pissed," Frank says, picking up the phone on their way to the kitchen and handing it to Gerard. "What do you wanna eat?"

"Dunno," Gerard says distractedly, punching in Donna's number. "I'll have whatever you have."

”Okay,” Frank says happily. He starts grabbing things from the fridge and a few cabinets until he has to stop so he can walk across the kitchen and wrap his arms around Gerard’s back while he's most likely being screamed at by his mother, if the distance between his ear and the phone is anything to go by. At first, Gerard freezes, free hand hovering uncertainly over Frank's back, but Frank holds on, waits and breathes and eventually feels the tension drain away from Gerard. His hand settles carefully on the back of Frank's shoulder, five cold fingers spreading out, nails digging in just the slightest.

They don't have to say anything. Maybe later, they will, but right now, this is all they need - to hold each other and know that they both want the same thing, that they've always wanted the same thing.

Each other.


End file.
